June 19th, 2007

loki

Highway to Hell

So I've been thinking lately, mostly just yesterday and today (though it's four minutes till midnight and when I actually post this it will be tomorrow) that maybe I should have just stayed down in St. Louis with my sister.  For those who don't know, which is pretty much no one that would actually read this.  I spent the last year and a half (from August, 2005 until January, 2007) down in St. Louis with my sister.  I was away from my stupid family and the chaos that has been going on here.  I was with my older sister, who was never really a part of my life growing up.  I couldn't blame her for that though, she's twelve years older than me.  When she moved away for college I was only about six year old.  When I moved down there I had a chance to have a relationship with my sister, something I had never had before.  I also got to watch the girls grow up a little in that year and a half.  They are the cutest things on the face of the planet and I miss them so much.  I thought when I left that I would miss Devon more than anything, but that was a stupid idea.  I miss Reese and Olivia so much.  I miss spending time with them and just watching them play or watching TV with them. 

The whole atmosphere in St. Louis, I miss.  I hated it when I was at school, but when I was at my sister's house it just felt right and I miss that.  I spent a year and a half and didn't cry once, with the exception of nearly breaking my ankle (sept. '06, and that was because of pain) and when my mom told me that Mickey (my cat) might not live until I came home for Christmas (nov. '06).  I'm not including finding out that I was going home.  The worst of it though was when Lisa, Jim, and the girls actually left on Christmas day.  I couldn't even form words.  I started to say goodbye to Olivia and just broke.  They asked if I was coming with them and I said no.  I didn't get in fights with anyone when I was there.  I'm just thinking that maybe it was a bad idea to come home.  The only good that's come out of it, so far, is that I met Patrick.  He makes things better, even though it's frustrating because now I don't know when the next time I'm going to see him is.  I'm dreading July because he'll be gone.... then when he goes back to school in August it'll be worse.  It's not like I can't live without him or something stupid and cliché like that.  It's just that when I'm feeling like crap, like this, he makes me feel better. 

In other news, my brother and I got into another fight today.  He had the nerve to say I don't do anything for anyone, even though I've spent the last three or four weekends helping my mom with the basement.  Then he insisted that I'm only helping her to get something out of it.... except I'm not getting anything.  I got mad at him and he got mad at me and it turned into everything is my fault.  He even called my mom at work to complain about it.  So my mom came home and at six o'clockish she called Beth.  Nate had told her that if she wanted Beth to leave she had to call Beth and tell her that, even though Mom and Dad didn't have to call Beth to let her know that she could move in.  Anyway, my mom called Beth and said that she had until the 30th of June to move her stuff out and that the dog had to go.  It's nothing against Nina... Nina's an adorable and loving dog.  It's just that our house is way to small for her and they don't ever do anything with her.  Anyway... now everyone's mad.  I didn't have to deal with this when I was in St. Louis... that's why I think I should have stayed down there.
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